Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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