I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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