her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
