Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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