If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
