He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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