Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
