I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
God I need to hump something, right now.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
