the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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