his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
