I bet he comes in French.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
