guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
