help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
