he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
