six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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