She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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