It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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