this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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