I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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