I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
