Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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