sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
