I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
