I think i peed on brittanys purse
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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