Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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