True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
