First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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