im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
