i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
did i just pee glitter
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
