final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
