The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
