On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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