I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
