He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
