dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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