It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
