I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
