LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
