I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
