you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
