I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
