You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
