no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
