Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
