can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Enjoy the penises
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
