I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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