We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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