I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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