is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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