thus making me awesome and them whores
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
you never un-have a 4some
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
