I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
