Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
