I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
