I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
