hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
