Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
