How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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