Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
