I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
