Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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