to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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